youre lurking in front of me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
