Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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