Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
