I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
