We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
