So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
