Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
