i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
