It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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