Already got asked if we're dating
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
