I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
