I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
