do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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