Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
