gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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