Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
