dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
