a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
