She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
