Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
