Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
