Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
