He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
