i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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