Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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