Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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