I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
