I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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