i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
