You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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