did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
