how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
