You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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