After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
