I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
