Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
