Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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(313): View more from Michigan

if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV

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(816): View more from Missouri

We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.

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(716): View more from New York

We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club

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(801): View more from Utah

I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.

Fav 6 885 544
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned

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