I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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