My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
