You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
