i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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