exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
