Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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