well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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