i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
