woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
