i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
