Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
