Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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