I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
